On Chipping Away
So I went and juggled for 4 hours last night in the courtyard of a high school. The lighting was excellent, the weather was warm, and my little tiny iPhone speakers were more than adequate. I had a great time.
I have made a deal with myself using the technique of ego negotiation. The deal was this. I will finally, once and for all, go out and perform when I’ve run through my entire routine in practice five times in a row without a single drop.
When I make deals with myself like this, I wonder sometimes if this is just thinly veiled procrastination. Am I just pushing the date back, farther and farther into the future, as a way of not actually having to do anything? I wonder about this a lot.
This is exacerbated by the fact that I–like the rest of my generation–seem to have almost no ability at all to think beyond the shortest of short terms. If something can’t be created, performed, recorded and uploaded to YouTube, and then broadcast out on Twitter and FaceBook on the same day, then it isn’t real.
So as day after day goes by, and I move from 7 drops to 5 drops to 2 drops, sometimes it seems like things will never happen.
But it does happen. 7 drops does turn to 5 drops which eventually, however long it takes, does turn into 0 drops, which does turn into performing.
It’s just that the pace is sometimes… slower than expected.
Which for me brings up a seemingly separate issue of trusting my timing. If I don’t start now, will I run out of money? If I don’t start now, will others pass me by? If I don’t start now, will friends and family turn on me as they realize I’m just another loser?
And really, this is what I’m grateful for. Having this mirror, of juggling and performing, to watch and examine and ultimately transform my own belief systems.
So I say to myself:
- My natural timing is perfect
- Things take as long as they take. It is only my job to keep working in the right direction
- I am supported through thick and thin. Unexpected opportunities and windfalls always keep me on my feet and moving forward
- I am a beloved child of the universe. The greatest desire that the universe has for me is that I do what makes me happy
- Learning perseverance in the face of challenges is a lesson that serves me for the rest of my life
And so I ask you, what belief systems are you working with these days?