Wheewie. Phewie. Ooweeeeeee. Yup.
I sit here in Bellingham, Washington having the same old feeling that you’ve heard me go on and on about time and time again. Amazement that it happened again.
I left Seattle because my guidance said to leave and go to Bellingham. I had made new friends at a juggling festival who told me to come visit in Bellingham but in truth, I barely knew these people. As the time got closer for me to get on the train, I started getting text messages from them wanting to make sure I knew that they were busy and might not have much time for me etc etc. I thought, geeez, what am I doing???? The voice said press on.
I get on the train, which turned out to be an Amtrak bus (you win some you lose some) and the trepidation set in. Again. Yet again. Here we go again. So I tried a new strategy. Let’s call it avoidance. A guy I had been small talking with sat down next to me and we started talking. Talking and talking. As long as I was engaged, no fear. Stay engaged. Good strategy, bad strategy? I don’t know. It worked… He gets off. Here comes the fear again. Meditate. Ok. More fear… what am I doing? Why am I doing this? And then I remembered.
The Power of Intention
I remembered the thing I should always remember but somehow always seem to forget no matter how many times I remember and remind myself to remember next time. And that is, I am the creator of my reality. I get to decide what I want to experience.
Well, what do I want to experience?
I don’t know man… Jeez… I have to figure this out again!? Yep. Again. Again and again and again and again. All right, fine.
I want to.. umm.. Juggle. A lot. A LOT of juggling. I want to train a lot. I want to be creative and be around a lot of creativity and just train and juggle a lot. And perform.
So I get into town and my friends are busy for a few hours. I don’t know what to do. I call my mom. We have a very nice talk. Stay engaged. I finish that and decide I want to go to a coffeeshop. Draw. Stay engaged. I get a call. Friends are ready. But wait, there’s a problem they say. They need to stop after they pick me up and do some other things with some other friends. That’s fine I say.
I get picked up. Things feel a little better. We drive. We arrive. What do I see? People juggling! Juggling clubs, juggling balls, juggling potatoes. There is juggling happening. And gardens. And permaculture. And greywater installations. I am in heaven. It has happened again.
And it didn’t stop. Since arriving 4 days ago, I have learned the basics of playing the saxophone, the ukelele, 4-ball juggling, and most importantly…..
Oh the People You’ll Meet
I have been around MOSTLY successful street performers. That is, people whose income is derived primarily from street performing. Through no effort of my own. They literally just showed up. I didn’t even know they were street performers at first until I told them what I’m doing.
I learned SOOOOO MUCH about the nuts and bolts, the mundanity and the brass tacks of street performing, which is exactly what I need now. A reality check. Mentoring.
It’s funny because two months ago, I would meet 0 street performers in an average month. Now it feels like 50% of the people I meet are street performers. I am the creator of my reality apparently.
The Cherry on Top
The big monthly performance also happened to be happening the weekend I am here and I am like a guest performer, doing my thing. Oh the places you’ll go….
What This Has to Do With Courage
I was scared. I was told to press on by my inner guidance. I was scared. I pressed on. I went with the flow. I did what I could to ignore the fear. I set intentions. I let go of the intentions. I followed my excitement. And all the intentions came true.
To me, this is what courage looks like in my life. I have no outer wars to fight nor do I have any desire to fight them. In the words of a t-shirt, I came to Earth and all I got was this lousy Soul Journey.
C’est la vie.
But a war it is. To stay present. To keep moving. To not give up. To continue following the invisible thread that reveals itself by synchronicity and voices in my head and urges and desires and dreams and visions. To physicalize it all and bring it into this dimension. So tenuous. So “impossible.” So much courage required.
A Story or Two
I have been incredibly inspired for a while now by a story my dad told me that he read long ago about a World War II fighter pilot who made something like 15 bombing runs over Germany where the survival rate was like 50% each time. He became all famous and stuff because almost no one else did that many runs and lived to talk about it.
He was asked how he did it. How he managed to time and time again do something where there was statistically a 50-50 chance he would die each time he went out.
His answer is as obvious as it is surprising. He focused on each moment. Now is when I get the call. Now is when I go to the locker. Now is when I put on my clothes. Now is when I put my shoes on. Now is when I tie my shoes. Now is when I walk to the plane. Now is when I get in the plane. Now is when I start the plane. Now is when I takeoff. Now is when I fly. Now is when I bomb. Now is when I go back. Now is when I land.
He did not allow the scope of what he was doing to enter his consciousness. He held on for dear life to the moment he was in. Not to be too melodramatic or self-aggrandizing, but I know that feeling.
The inner war requires that level of courage. That level of focus and present moment attention. Otherwise you psych yourself out and begin the downward spiral of going crazy. I’ve done it again and again. It’s a rough one.
The other “story” or fact if you will that helps me push on is an understanding of the actual holographic nature of reality. An understanding that I actually AM this entire dimension that I so often think I’m just a small part of. A knowing that I actually AM in a very real, very tangible sense the creator of my reality and that what I say happens. Just because I say it. Because I AM it. There is nothing but me.
So often in my experience, I am launched into the unknown on a wing and a prayer with nothing but my guidance telling me to keep going. This understanding helps me remain calm when what I’m doing seems so crazy. A realization that I’m not crazy and that this is how it actually works, underneath the veneer of civilization and polite society. I am a holographic, quantum function indistinguishable from, connected, and identical to the entire multiverse. I am being encouraged to do something for a reason. A good reason. Not a trivial reason. Not to be tricked. Not to be led to a dead end. But to learn something. To grow. To have fun. And oftentimes, to wormhole through space-time and get to Point Q much faster than if I had tried going from Points A through P first.
But it requires courage. To believe that the nature of reality is benevolent. To know that you are guided to things that don’t make any sense because there is a larger part of you that can see a bigger picture. That if you were able to see that bigger picture, you would say the same thing. To just trust that. And beyond trusting that, to know that.
I request that you do this with your life. Listen to the urges and the quiet inner voices and the gentle nudges and follow them where they lead, whether that means your current life falls apart or you are asked to move somewhere else or whatever.
Because something more is waiting for you. A newer, bigger, better version of you is pulling you towards it. And the path from A to Q involves harnessing all your courage and wherewithal and just going for it. Figuring out a way to make it happen.
The reward for such action is your life. The penalty for inaction is your life.
Make the right choice. As Bone Thugs said,
I’ll see you at the crossroads… so you won’t be lonely.