So after my last newsletter, I received a lot of very nice responses. Very thoughtful, very kind, very congratulatory. That kind of thing.
But of course, this being the Internet and all…
I also received this:
I once read a blog about an English guy who had decided to bicycle around the world….but basically he got homesick. You get road fatigue, unless you have a destination and greater goal, purpose. My BF is the grand vagabond, he drove from NY to Buenos Aires, he slept on beaches and entered villages that only had one egg to eat. Got stuck in no man’s land. Imagine if you had trekked across Africa, malaria, dysentery, imagine walking you way across foreign lands like a soldier or a slave… Imagine losing your ego and writing, not about you, but the people you encounter, the way they live, then maybe you have really started traveling, until then, you are transporting your ego to different places, but still self absorbed, you see?
I’m gonna be real honest with this one right here. It really made me angry at first. I don’t personally know the person who wrote it. I found it very rude and unnecessary. It’s like… umm.. unsubscribe. If you are trying to be helpful, like, learn to write. Stuff like that. It all came up for me.
I wanted to write a big fuck you response. Go fuck yourself this and that. This is what I used to do to people. I think that part of the reason I have been so hesitant to express myself more is for fear of this. That I react to mild criticism with a nuclear weapon. Like wanting to kill people.
And yes, this is more about myself. What some may call self-absorbed, but what I call revealing. Which is what I personally love most about the artists that I consider my heroes–Woody Allen, Jay-Z, Jack Johnson, Illmaculate, Terence McKenna. It’s mostly about them. And through their experience, I see my own experience. I like that. So I do that. Or at least attempt to.
In Which I Go Deeper
Jenny has really been pushing me on the non-duality front as of late. Everything is me. So I let my initial feelings of anger pass. I felt them and sat with them and watched them bubble and boil and said, there’s gotta be something more to this. There has got to be a reason this is showing up in my life. Reality is nothing but a mirror.
And then, boom! I realized that I criticize people. A lot. Very callously too. “Oh that’s a bad idea.” “Oh that’ll never work.” “Oh your arm looks terrible when you make that motion.” And I think, well, I’m being helpful. I’m genuinely looking out for the person. And so I got what I gave, which is of course the third law of creation. What you put out is what you get back.
And I didn’t like it. At all. So thank you, person I don’t personally know, for showing me what it feels like to be on the receiving end of criticism. You have shown me that I don’t want to do that anymore. I intend gentleness. Both toward myself and toward others. And I thank you for your gift.
And one other thing. Please, always remember, there’s an unsubscribe link on my newsletter 😉