On The Long Haul

For the first time since I’ve started writing again, I have some resistance to writing this time. It’s like it’s gone from being this fun thing I get to do and started its transformation into a job. I wrote not too long ago about my philosophy that you have to have a job–you just get to pick it. And this newsletter is–just because I declare it so–part of my job. Sharing my experiences, keeping my thoughts and ideas and presence out there in the ethers of the universe, month after month, whether I feel like it or not.

This is a pretty apt metaphor for how I feel this month in general. The gee-whiz excitement of travel, which I’ve found again and again begins to wane after 3 months, is fading, replaced by the realization that I am now just some guy who goes out on the streets with the goal of doing a show for an audience. An audience not particularly looking for a show at that. Just some guy in a sea of guys. Trying to make a (trillion) buck(s). And I’m ok with it.

At a similar point in other journeys, I quit. I quit web design at this point. I quit video editing. I quit math. I quit “going for it” as a mainstream dancer. I quit running workshops. Always at this point. Where the going got tough. Where the slog began. Just doing the same thing over and over, building a skillset and a reputation. Because like, I always realized I hated those things. All I wanted to do is quit doing them and be a street performer. But “I had to do them in order to fund my dream.” Well, now I’m living my dream and the glamor is fading (just a little) from it. And yet I’m happy.

Cuz yo… I’m in for the long haul.

Yes friends, family, and people who just haven’t found the unsubscribe link yet, the theme for this month is the long haul. Funny to be talking about it at a time when it’s only 2 months before “the end of the world” and when the hottest newest gadget/show/movie/trend becomes dust-bin old in like 9 months. But yes, the long haul is what I’m now after.

For the first time in my adult life, I feel like it’s just gonna work out somehow. I’m just always gonna find a way to support myself, whether that’s benefactors or odd jobs or wild success or strange things like living on estates in teepees. Somehow, each day will turn into the next, and there will be food and shelter and friends and travel and opportunities. The panic is residing a little, and it’s like I can see… ok… This is the life I have chosen. 13 years after having an LSD-induced vision of a whole other life and then trying to figure out WTF is going on and where do I fit in, I like the lil’ niche I’ve chosen.

I like me. I like the path. I like the day-to-day. I like the mundanity and the practicing and the rehearsing and the having to figure it out on my own. I like the honing. I can imagine this going for many decades like this. I can imagine it going for many lifetimes like this.

Jenny Funkmeyer, My Wife and Queen

I am back in LA for a few days. I missed Jenny. I missed home. I got ran out of the Pacific Northwest, where I spent most of October, by the changing seasons. I am headed south, ultimately out of the country and into Latin America, the great unknown. To entertain the people. Los niños!

I’d like to focus the rest of this on my relationship with Jenny, as I think it’s of the most interest and use for everyone. Since getting back to LA and recalibrating with Jenny, the fact that we made it through another big change and are still in it for the long haul together has become clear.

Earlier this year, almost 5 years to the day after we met, the shit hit the fan. Things got real bad and something had to change. I started traveling and have (obviously) taken on new projects. Jenny has started a truly amazing school in downtown Los Angeles. We wondered if this was it. I have even had amazing relationships, of the sexual kind, with other women. And yet our relationship has persisted. Grown even. It has grown deeper roots. Roots that can support an even bigger relationship, one that can continue to grow and evolve for the rest of this life.

Honeymoon 1.0 has ended and honeymoon 2.0 has now begun. We are a truly twenty-first century couple. We have probably spent a total of 3 months together this year out of the 10 that have passed. We do our own thing, are able to take care of ourselves, have our own friends and hobbies, likes and dislikes, and our own dreams that don’t always actively involve the other. In fact, we don’t even always like each other. Jenny usually gets sick of my endless yapping after only a couple of weeks and I start getting wanderlust after a month or two.

But you know what. It works for us man. It works for us. Societal conventions be damned. Correctness or properness, rightness or wrongness. Piss off. We have a life and a home together. We have dreams and ambitions together. We are best friends. We understand each other. We like each other (no matter how little that is at times!) better than we like anyone else. And on it goes.

One of my favorite Woody Allen movies, “Whatever Works,” stars my hero Larry David as Boris Yelnikoff. As usual, he says it best:

“Love, despite what they tell you, does not conquer all, nor does it even usually last. In the end the romantic aspirations of our youth are reduced to, whatever works.”

Whatever works man. That’s my advice for you this month. Whatever gets you through the days. The long days. The short days. The easy days. The rough days. Cuz God willing, it’s a long haul this life. No matter what you choose to do with your life, there’s gonna be a whole lotta drudgery. A whole lotta time that’s not worthy of making your life seem impressive on Facebook, and yet there you are. Figure out a way to make the best of it. And if you can find a good partner on that journey, Mazel-friggin-Tov!

I am very happy with the way my life looks right now. I feel all around me, my friends are becoming famous, successful, well-known and well-regarded. Doing good work. A few are even doing great work. If you’re still here in my life, let’s do this for the long haul guys. All the people I don’t like are gone now. So if you’re around, I like you! I saw a video on the subject with Donald Trump that affected me in a way that I didn’t think Donald Trump was capable of. It left an impression.

But what do I know, I’m just some wannabe street performer wandering all over a rock in the middle of a random galaxy in one particular dimension of an infinite multiverse.

Whatever works bruh.

Comments (21)

  1. it is a long haul, but keep on truckin’ man,
    “Most of the cast that you meet on the streets speak of true love,
    Most of the time they’re sittin and cryin at home.
    One of these days they know they better get goin
    Out of the door and down on the streets all alone.”

  2. I hear u!..I met someone amazing 10 months ago, we spent 9 months together everyday…had never happened to me b4 due to stupid US dating system I say. He became a partner but also my son’s father figure. I knew from day 1 he would move to Switzerland in September. At first, societal conventions say this can’t work. Fuck conventions;this is a brand new world let’s recreate it! I am a creative independent mommy artist who just can’t make dinner everynight and entertain a partner all year. I have theatre dance shows to write, films to edit, a life to inspire others. So yes, few days a month works after setting a nice base of everyday living for 9 months:) Living Life to The Fullest!!!
    those were plans once talked about in a garage on Manning ave

  3. Thanks for checking in. I was wondering what was up with you two. Mostly just missing your inspirational videos and info. I am glad to hear that your relationship with Jenny continues to blossom and grow. I do think love conquers all though. Just not romantic love. Or should I say LOVE is the great diffuser and initiator for change if it is utilized properly. I mean big LOVE…like all you need is love, etc.

    Anyway, great to hear from you, Otis.

    • i think love probably conquers all too. big love that is. im just not holding out for it to drop on me. if it does through my daily practices, so much the better. if it doesnt… ill just keep going. “a saint is a sinner who didn’t give up.” -yogananda
      Sent from my iPad

  4. Hi Otis and Jenny.  I’ve never “blogged” before.  Hope this gets to you.  I found this newsletter in my spam box, which I never check until today because a friend called and asked if I’d received a photo he sent.  It was in the spam, too.  So were lots of other emails.  Wow.  Anyway, loved reading your thoughts, Otis.  You are such a free-spirit!  It’s wonderful what you and Jenny have and I applaud all that both of you are doing.  Meanwhile, back at the ranch…literally…I’ve built a summer kitchen with a cheese making room and cheese cave, a free-standing cedar closet, and about to start on a 64 foot portale on the north side of the house.  I’ve also put in a new planting area by filling in an arroyo.  Will be killing the Thanksgiving turkey next week, making lots of cheese.  Butchered Buddy and am making “moecetta”…goat procciutto…hanging meat in cheese cave to air-dry.  It’s been lots of fun around here.  Bred 3 of my goats so will have kids in spring.  Lots of visitors this summer,too.  Will look forward to more news from you.  

  5. Yo Otis. If you are in it for the long haul, then I commit to being connected.  You write, travel, practice, throw balls, drop balls, learn, grow, expand and I’ll be there too – hopefully with the same desire to wake the fuck up now and be all that we can be.  Thank you for sharing your journey.  I’m working on a new character now and having more fun.  Fun & fear don’t exist together. Sending Love to Jenny & You.

    • jackie you are one of my favorites of all the people in this great dimension. i am glad a chance encounter has caused us to be linked however distant through spacetime. sending love back to you.
      Sent from my iPad

  6. Hi Otis..I heard about you and your wife after watching a movie short in the Spiritual Cinema Circle…I was impressed with the courageousness of your lives and how taking risks is so important to having an interesting and fulfilling life…your blog is pretty darn good, I enjoy reading it and it gives me inspiration…I live in Mexico City and since you´re thinking of coming on this side of the border well I´d love to meet you and maybe give you some tips and suggestions of what´s over here…Mexico city is pretty much ignored by most american tourists but I have to say that if you like art and culture in general you´ll enjoy it…the bar and street scene is pretty good too…I have a boyfriend so I don´t know if I could give you shelter (latinamerican men are a whole other story) but it´s very cheap here….I will send a friend request to your FB and will be looking forward to your newsletters and blog…take care and best regards to your truly charming wife…Jacqueline Fernandez

    • thank you liana. i like going to places that are overlooked. they seem to be the best. im in phoenix right now which i think is another such place. hopefully we can meet one day soon.
      Sent from my iPad

  7. i love the rawness and the sincerity of your writing. it’s very refreshing. i feel very inspired each time i read your blog and i have noticed that the people i share it with do too.  i feel like i always can relate to the things you are going through and i like that. keep writing and being you. 🙂

  8. “Whatever works”  That’s exactly it!  What works for me may not work for another.  That’s what keeps this galatic fun ship rockin!  Awesome writing brah!

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