On The Long Haul
For the first time since I’ve started writing again, I have some resistance to writing this time. It’s like it’s gone from being this fun thing I get to do and started its transformation into a job. I wrote not too long ago about my philosophy that you have to have a job–you just get to pick it. And this newsletter is–just because I declare it so–part of my job. Sharing my experiences, keeping my thoughts and ideas and presence out there in the ethers of the universe, month after month, whether I feel like it or not.
This is a pretty apt metaphor for how I feel this month in general. The gee-whiz excitement of travel, which I’ve found again and again begins to wane after 3 months, is fading, replaced by the realization that I am now just some guy who goes out on the streets with the goal of doing a show for an audience. An audience not particularly looking for a show at that. Just some guy in a sea of guys. Trying to make a (trillion) buck(s). And I’m ok with it.
At a similar point in other journeys, I quit. I quit web design at this point. I quit video editing. I quit math. I quit “going for it” as a mainstream dancer. I quit running workshops. Always at this point. Where the going got tough. Where the slog began. Just doing the same thing over and over, building a skillset and a reputation. Because like, I always realized I hated those things. All I wanted to do is quit doing them and be a street performer. But “I had to do them in order to fund my dream.” Well, now I’m living my dream and the glamor is fading (just a little) from it. And yet I’m happy.
Cuz yo… I’m in for the long haul.
Yes friends, family, and people who just haven’t found the unsubscribe link yet, the theme for this month is the long haul. Funny to be talking about it at a time when it’s only 2 months before “the end of the world” and when the hottest newest gadget/show/movie/trend becomes dust-bin old in like 9 months. But yes, the long haul is what I’m now after.
For the first time in my adult life, I feel like it’s just gonna work out somehow. I’m just always gonna find a way to support myself, whether that’s benefactors or odd jobs or wild success or strange things like living on estates in teepees. Somehow, each day will turn into the next, and there will be food and shelter and friends and travel and opportunities. The panic is residing a little, and it’s like I can see… ok… This is the life I have chosen. 13 years after having an LSD-induced vision of a whole other life and then trying to figure out WTF is going on and where do I fit in, I like the lil’ niche I’ve chosen.
I like me. I like the path. I like the day-to-day. I like the mundanity and the practicing and the rehearsing and the having to figure it out on my own. I like the honing. I can imagine this going for many decades like this. I can imagine it going for many lifetimes like this.
Jenny Funkmeyer, My Wife and Queen
I am back in LA for a few days. I missed Jenny. I missed home. I got ran out of the Pacific Northwest, where I spent most of October, by the changing seasons. I am headed south, ultimately out of the country and into Latin America, the great unknown. To entertain the people. Los niños!
I’d like to focus the rest of this on my relationship with Jenny, as I think it’s of the most interest and use for everyone. Since getting back to LA and recalibrating with Jenny, the fact that we made it through another big change and are still in it for the long haul together has become clear.
Earlier this year, almost 5 years to the day after we met, the shit hit the fan. Things got real bad and something had to change. I started traveling and have (obviously) taken on new projects. Jenny has started a truly amazing school in downtown Los Angeles. We wondered if this was it. I have even had amazing relationships, of the sexual kind, with other women. And yet our relationship has persisted. Grown even. It has grown deeper roots. Roots that can support an even bigger relationship, one that can continue to grow and evolve for the rest of this life.
Honeymoon 1.0 has ended and honeymoon 2.0 has now begun. We are a truly twenty-first century couple. We have probably spent a total of 3 months together this year out of the 10 that have passed. We do our own thing, are able to take care of ourselves, have our own friends and hobbies, likes and dislikes, and our own dreams that don’t always actively involve the other. In fact, we don’t even always like each other. Jenny usually gets sick of my endless yapping after only a couple of weeks and I start getting wanderlust after a month or two.
But you know what. It works for us man. It works for us. Societal conventions be damned. Correctness or properness, rightness or wrongness. Piss off. We have a life and a home together. We have dreams and ambitions together. We are best friends. We understand each other. We like each other (no matter how little that is at times!) better than we like anyone else. And on it goes.
One of my favorite Woody Allen movies, “Whatever Works,” stars my hero Larry David as Boris Yelnikoff. As usual, he says it best:
“Love, despite what they tell you, does not conquer all, nor does it even usually last. In the end the romantic aspirations of our youth are reduced to, whatever works.”
Whatever works man. That’s my advice for you this month. Whatever gets you through the days. The long days. The short days. The easy days. The rough days. Cuz God willing, it’s a long haul this life. No matter what you choose to do with your life, there’s gonna be a whole lotta drudgery. A whole lotta time that’s not worthy of making your life seem impressive on Facebook, and yet there you are. Figure out a way to make the best of it. And if you can find a good partner on that journey, Mazel-friggin-Tov!
I am very happy with the way my life looks right now. I feel all around me, my friends are becoming famous, successful, well-known and well-regarded. Doing good work. A few are even doing great work. If you’re still here in my life, let’s do this for the long haul guys. All the people I don’t like are gone now. So if you’re around, I like you! I saw a video on the subject with Donald Trump that affected me in a way that I didn’t think Donald Trump was capable of. It left an impression.
But what do I know, I’m just some wannabe street performer wandering all over a rock in the middle of a random galaxy in one particular dimension of an infinite multiverse.
Whatever works bruh.